piano & faith

I was playing the piano the other day, and just for fun I decided to get out some of my old piano pieces that I hadn't played in a while. I knew that I would not be able to play them with as much skill as I had when I first learned them, but I was not expecting to be as bad at them as I was. As my fingers stumbled over the keys and worked to remember the notes that they once played so easily, my mind wandered a bit (as it usually does), and I began thinking about how our faith is similar to playing the piano. Our faith is something that should be continuously growing and becoming stronger. Faith isn't something you can "take a break from". Faith is constant, faith should never falter. We can't just put God on the shelf for a while and then come back to him later and expect to pick up where we left off. With piano pieces, you can't put them on a shelf, pull them off a couple months later and expect to just pick it up where you left off. No, you have to re-learn the things that you already learned in the past. I think it's like that with our Christian faith, too. If you put God on the shelf for a while, you're going to backslide and that means that later, when you come back, you're going to have to re-climb the steps that you already took in your faith, you're going to have re-learn what you had already learned. Leaving God on the shelf for a while does you no good. In fact, it does you harm, because instead of being able to progressive in your Christian walk, you have to re-walk the steps that you already took earlier.

bits and pieces of my thoughts

This past month, I've probably done more thinking than I have ever done before (or at least that's what it feels like). I've thought about [almost] everything - life, the government, goals, the Supreme Court, God, disappointments, love, failure, beautifully wonderful people, purpose, stories, joy, theology, sorrow, and sunrises. It would be an impossible thing for me to lay every single one of my thoughts down in a comprehensible form. There is so much that goes on inside my head that I simply cannot find the worlds to say or express. But here are a few pieces of what I've been thinking about (yes, they're kinda random) ~

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People. Wow. People are amazing. Talking to people and hearing their stories makes me feel all q894tyh9osdjshjladfj inside because people are beautiful and wonderful and everything in between. Some days my mind is blown when I remember that God made people and he made each person unique and with their very own personality and their own heart and their own soul. If that isn't cool then I don't know what is. This past month I have seen people find joy in the midst of sorrow. I have seen people persevere when things seemed impossible. And I have seen people conquer the demons that they didn't think were conquerable.

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I was driving to school one Monday morning and the sun hadn't quite risen yet, but I could tell that it was just about ready to come over the horizon. Right before it came into view, the sky was a clear, cold, pure blue, with just a few whispy clouds scattered around. Then the sun came up over the horizon and it was like all of a sudden everything was bathed in a warm golden light, and the sky was filled with light, and the underside of the clouds turned a brilliant orange, which contrasted radiantly with the still-blue sky behind it. It's during moments like that when I think, "There is no way that evolution is possible because a) there's no way sunrises could have evolved to be this pretty, and b) there is no way that we, as humans, should have evolved so as to be able to stand in awe of such beauty and even begin to appreciate it".

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I do believe that feeling like you've been a disappointment to someone is possibly the worst feeling in the world.

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Sometimes when people compliment me, or say I'm a nice person, or "wow you're perfect", I just say "thanks!" when what I really want to say is "Yeah, sometimes I nice. And sometimes I can also be mean and unthoughtful and there are times when I regret doing/saying things. I'm not a perfect person, and I'm far from it. On the inside I'm a completely broken person. I sin just as much as everyone else... I can just be really good at hiding it sometimes. I need Jesus just as much as everyone else." Don't get me wrong - I do try really hard to be nice and love everyone, but I definitely don't do it absolutely all of the time.

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Everything about this quote: “If you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you." --C.S. Lewis

^Go read through that quote again. And again. And again. Wow. I mean we've all heard that before... but Lewis puts it so perfectly. 

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I miss cool summer nights when I could just go outside and look up at the stars and marvel at how close they seemed even when, in reality, they are unfathomably far away. 

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I am constantly torn between the desire to stay here in Nebraska, which has been my home my whole entire life... and go out into the world and go everywhere. Visit every continent, learn about the history in each place, climb more mountains, meet new people, and try new things. I can't decide if I want to stay or if I want to go... it's not that I don't like adventures, but I'm afraid to leave for too long because I always fear that people will forget me or that everything will change while I'm gone. Plus there are plenty of adventures just around here.

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This: 

 "Outside of the will of God, there is nothing I want. And in the will of God, there is nothing I fear." -A.W. Tozer

 

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just a quote

"I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest and most precious thing in all thinking." - George Macdonald

2013: My year in review

I'll just be honest -- 2013 was NOT the best year of my life. It was really hard at times, and there were some difficult situations. But - I did learn a lot, and I felt like I had a lot of fantastic opportunities. Here are the highlights of my year, including fun events, memories, and some quotes... (there are some things that I'm not including because they're, you know, weird):

Kansas City tournament - first tournament of the year! 

Debated Rachel and Merrill in quarterfinals... annnnd lost.

I did place 2nd in Extemp, which I was really excited about, due to the fact that it was my very first time trying extemp. :)

 ~*~

 Feb. 5, after having a difficult day, I wrote in my journal: "Why dwell on the past when there's a future to look forward to?"

 ~*~

And then the Lincoln tournament.

John is a ladies' man. :)

 The "chain of love".

My super fantastic debate partner!

After the tournament, we went out to eat at Olive Garden... which ended up being one of the most fun nights of the entire year.

 ~*~

School: I did well in all my classes, but Chemistry proved to be one of the most entertaining classes, since people slept a lot, we wrote a lot of stories (one where I died from a drug overdose...), and drew funny pictures.

~*~

March 22. Annie chatted me and told me that she wanted to do speech and debate... and now she is!

~*~

Omaha tournament... aka the "Cake-walk qualifier" :P

Before the tournament, I received an encouraging email from my dear friend, Ellen: "This is one tournament. Three days, and three days only of your life. The awards you win here will eventually be forgotten. Even some of the friends too, will someday walk out of your life. But the steps you take on your walk with God, those steps you take towards the foot of the cross... the steps you are going to take the next few days are important in a way that you don't know that they are. So be careful where you step."

^^wise words.

Debated these guys in semifinals!

 Annnnd, made it to finals in debate for the first time!

~*~

Participated in the pro-life speech contest and got 1st and won $400. Jake got 2nd, Merrill got 3rd. After I had given my speech, I sat back down, and Merrill leaned over and said to me, "Jake and I want you for president..."

 

~*~

Made phone calls for something -- can't remember what (city council or something)-- with the Gages, and Hudson, and I think Nate and Tony were there too. Sam and I wrote notes to each other, but that ended when John grabbed the notebook we were writing in and started shredding what we were saying. 

~*~

Regionals - this was an adventure. Had a blast talking each night with my debate friends in the hotel. We had some people sing in our debate round (it's not against the rules...), and I had a fun time swinging (there was a swing set out behind the church). It's not often that you find a group of high schoolers, dressed in full suits, trying to see who can swing the highest. 

Had fun with this little man. :)

Tom and I were excited. :D

After not debating Rosemary and Ellen all year long, we finally did debate them - 6th round at Regionals. And that round was intense. And our teams even matched!

Not entirely sure what this was about, but the guys were having some sort of contest to see who could get the most points by getting girls to do stuff for them... so Natalie and I decided to help Drew out by sitting by him. 

And then, after we got back from Regionals... there was snow. IN MAY. SNOW IN MAY. 

~*~

Natalie and I qualified to Nationals in debate, and we had a total blast in Oklahoma. We failed at debate, but had a good time meeting new people, including our friend, Peter, who we had met online, and had been doing some debate stuff with.

 There were some pretty cool gold mirrors on the buildings.

~*~

 

After Nationals was over, I went and spent some time at a lake with my dad's side of the family. I tried knee-boarding, water-boarding, tubing, and some other stuff that I can't remember. I built a small sand castle, and got a terrrriiiibbble sunburn.

~*~

I rogued and detasseled during the summer.

~*~

 

 Our family vacation took us to Colorado, where we climbed a mountain. It was really pretty, but I did get altitude sickness, because I had gone from 1,000 some feet, to 14,000 feet in less than 24 hours.

During this mountain climbing adventure, I also nearly died. Well, not really. But I was pretty terrified. I'm not a huge fan of walking in a ledge that is only a few feet wide, while there is a several-hundred-foot drop off directly to my left.

~*~

In October, I attended the World Food Prize conference, where I had the opportunity to discuss ways of solving world hunger with world leaders. So that was pretty cool.

The president of Iceland was there.. it's not every day that you get to see the President of Iceland. :)

~*~

On Halloween, there was a costume dance, which was really fun. I went as Miss Scarlet (from Clue). 

Some of my best friends. :)

And Hannah. She is wonderful.

~*~

The end of the year: went and saw a couple good movies (Catching Fire and The Hobbit) with friends.

~*~

One important thing I learned this year: Sometimes it's hard to forgive people, but choosing to forgive someone can repair a friendship.

Other important thing I learned: The government isn't in great condition right now... xP

Favorite verse: Psalm 139:9-10, "If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Favorite quotes: "The happy life which all men desire cannot be reached by any who does not cleave with a pure and holy love to that one supreme good, the unchangeable God." -Saint Augustine, The City of God

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." - Audrey Hepburn 

Anyways. 2014 is approaching quickly, and I am really excited to start a new year. Hopefully I learn more this next year, have even more opportunities, make better decisions than I did this year, and I also hope the government gets itself straightened out (doubtful).

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness, a light has dawned."

-Isaiah 9:2

Joseph

Whenever I hear the Christmas story, the emphasis always seems to be on Mary and, of course, Jesus. And that's fine... that's really good, actually. But let's not forget Joseph. Now, Joseph certainly ISN'T the focus of the Christmas story, nor should he be. But this Christmas season, Joseph has really stuck out to me. Not really sure why, just something about him. He has a cool story, I guess. He was destined to be married to Mary... then things kinda went wrong and he found out that she was pregnant-- and he wasn't the father. Whoops. That must have been heartbreaking for him. And yet, he didn't get really angry and want to kill Mary or anything... he wanted to divorce her quietly. And then, suddenly, one night, he has a dream and he's told that he's supposed to go ahead and take Mary as his wife because her baby is the SON OF GOD. Whoa. I don't know about you, but when I have dreams... I don't usually follow them. But Joseph knew that he was supposed to follow this dream, and so, in faith, he took Mary as his wife. And then there was a census, so with a pregnant wife, Joseph took a trip to Bethlehem. I'm guessing it was kinda stressful, seeing as how Mary was about ready to have that special baby. To make things harder, when Joseph and Mary got to Bethlehem, there was NO ROOM FOR THEM. I bet Joseph was starting to get a little panicked... but then an innkeeper found a place for them where he kept his animals -- probably a cave or something. It  must have been a relief to have some place to stay, but then the baby itself came. I'm kind of doubting that this was an easy birth, or that there was a midwife or something to help the deliver the baby. There was probably lots of blood, and Mary was probably in a lot of pain, and Joseph probably delivered the baby. Anyways, after the baby was born, things settled down, right? Not really. Herod decided to kill all the little baby boys... so Joseph took his family and FLED to Egypt... then later brought them back. And then he took care of his family, and helped to raise Jesus.

Joseph wasn't just a background character to the Christmas story or the life of Jesus. Joseph was there to support Mary, to support their family, and to be an earthly father to Jesus. I think what stands out to me most about Joseph is his faith. Because of a dream, he believed that the child within Mary WAS the son of God, and he had enough faith to go ahead and take her for his wife and care for her. When he was told (in a dream) to take Mary and Jesus and go to Egypt, he had faith that they would be protected there. He had faith that what God was doing was an important plan, and Joseph had faith that God would accomplish it.

December 12

So, tonight I was really mad. Really mad. I was ready to kill several people. I was almost in tears driving home because I was so mad. People just get to me sometimes. So anyways, there I was being really mad and I walked into our house, slammed the door, and just wanted to be alone. So I started walking through the house. And then I stopped at our nativity set. Surrounded by Christmas lights, there was baby Jesus right in the center of it all, with Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, and the kings all standing in awe of that little boy, who was born in a humble stable, yet who was the Savior of the whole. entire. UNIVERSE. And I stopped. And suddenly.... everything about the Christmas story hit me. I think that my life is SO hard, because people tease me about people, or because people make me mad. But then there was Mary. Imagine the shame of being pregnant and not being married. Wow. I bet people talked behind her back a lot. And she was able to deal with it. And how about Joseph? He was a good man, ready to be married... oops, his bride-to-be is pregnant, and not by him. Holy crap, that must have been hard. And then Mary had to give birth in a STABLE. Surrounded by animals, in the dirt, and the straw, all of that, and I bet that it sure as hell wasn't easy. And yet, here I am, complaining about my own life. I think that my life is so hard. But the struggles that I experience in my life are NOTHING compared to what Mary, Joseph, and Jesus went through. Stop complaining, Anne.