A thought on growing up...

The hard thing about growing up is realizing how incredibly broken this world is. And how broken people are. 

It's sad. 

It's heart-breaking. It really is. 

I look at the world and see all these beautiful, beautiful people... people who don't know that they're beautiful. People who want to kill themselves because they think they're worthless, people who cut themselves because they're insecure, people who starve themselves because they think they're fat. I have close friends who do those things. And it breaks my heart. They tell me how they feel and I hurt for them. I do everything that I can to help them... I feel their pain, and it hurts. And it's hard.

My only hope is that with God's help, these broken friends of mine and this broken world will someday be made whole again.

New Perspective // New Lifestyle

I was up late last night, doing some pretty serious thinking. I've decided: I’m a Junior, I’m two years from college, less than two years from being 18… and it’s time to get real with myself – Life’s not about me any more (and it never was, and never should be again). 

I’m tired of worrying so much about what kind of impression I leave on people, tired of caring so much about people's attention and what they think of me. My life up until now has been all about me. Me, me, me. And I’m tired of it – SO sick of it. It’s time to change… and I should have changed a long time ago. It’s time to stop doing things simply for my own benefit, and time to stop letting others define who I am. I’ll be honest: I care a lot about what others think of me. Not all the time, but most of the time.  Proverbs 31:30 says "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." <<< I want to be that woman. I want to fear God and not worry so much about my looks or my charm or whatever else.

It’s time to let Christ define me… not just a little bit, but completely. I want Him to define me, I want Him to be the reason that I do what I do and I live how I live. I want to carry myself with confidence because I know that He is in charge and He has a plan. I want to give Christ everything, and I want Him to become my everything. I want Jesus to fill me up and I want people to see in me God’s grace and His love and His peace. Because THAT is something worth living for. That is something to strive for. 

Life’s not about me - it’s about Jesus and what He has done. I have FAILED to do so much because I am a broken sinner, in desperate need of a Savior to heal me. There’s a lot of great stuff on this earth… but Jesus is the only one TRULY worth living for. My life right now? I act like a good Christian… but inwardly, it’s sometimes a different story. I mean, I try to make God the center of my life, but I’m not trying hard enough. And that HAS to change. And it’s not going to change tomorrow – it’s going to change right now (actually, it changed last night). Goodbye, selfish ambitions. It’s time to be finished with doing things just for myself - and it’s time to do things for Christ, and for Him alone. 

It won’t always be easy – it’s going to be an uphill climb. It feels like it's Me vs. World. But if God is for us, then who can stand against us? Letting go is hard, it’s hard to change the way I think about things. But I know it’s safe… why? Because God wouldn’t tell me to jump if He couldn’t catch me. And honestly... I’d rather rest safely in His arms than wander the world alone, doing things just for myself.

This is my new perspective. And it’s not just a perspective – it’s a lifestyle. 

What.

Junior year.

That's what's up.

[[I'm like... halfway done with high school. O_o]]

Started junior year today - it was a good first day.

I have a feeling that this year is going to be crazy and completely busy (just like every year, haha), but I also have a feeling that it's going to be really fun, and I'm going to meet new people, make new friends, explore new opportunities, have adventures, and learn a lot (hopefully not just academic stuff, because that would be boring).

So yeah. Here goes. Long year ahead. If I'm still alive by the end, it'll be a miracle. :)

missing things

Some days I miss people and old times.

I miss the people that I know, but have never met.
I miss the people that I used to know, but who are gone.
I miss the people who I don't know and have never met.
I miss the people that I used to be close to, but then drifted from them.
I miss the friends that I've lost.
I miss the sister that I've never had and probably never will have.

I miss the time when life was simpler.
I miss being young, and having no worries.
I miss being carefree all the time.
I miss the perfect evenings spent with friends.
I miss the time when I was innocent and didn't know about all the bad things in the world.
I miss the time when I didn't see the flaws in my friends.
I miss the time when my faith was that of a child. Simple...

::the stars::

Let me tell you what I hate most about living in the city: I can’t see the stars hardly at all; there are too many bright lights. So when I go out in the country, I like to take advantage of the fact that it's so dark and so easy to see the stars.

Last night, I was out in the country, and it was the perfect night for stargazing. 

I COULD SEE THE WHOLE ENTIRE GALAXY (or at least that’s what it felt like). 

There they were, all the millions of stars, perfectly scattered across the entire night sky. I almost felt that if I had wanted to, I could have reached up and touched the stars. They were so far away, yet they seemed so very close. As I stared up at them, I realized how MAGNIFICENT the stars are. So beautiful and bright. I also realized how absolutely mind blowing it is to think that God holds the entire UNIVERSE, even the stars, in the palm of His hand. Wow. 

I probably could have spent the entire night just looking at the stars, it was so wonderful. I didn't think the evening could get any better. And then it did... I saw a shooting star.

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” –Psalm 19:1