Friday, January 31, 2014

bits and pieces of my thoughts

This past month, I've probably done more thinking than I have ever done before (or at least that's what it feels like). I've thought about [almost] everything - life, the government, goals, the Supreme Court, God, disappointments, love, failure, beautifully wonderful people, purpose, stories, joy, theology, sorrow, and sunrises. It would be an impossible thing for me to lay every single one of my thoughts down in a comprehensible form. There is so much that goes on inside my head that I simply cannot find the worlds to say or express. But here are a few pieces of what I've been thinking about (yes, they're kinda random) ~

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People. Wow. People are amazing. Talking to people and hearing their stories makes me feel all q894tyh9osdjshjladfj inside because people are beautiful and wonderful and everything in between. Some days my mind is blown when I remember that God made people and he made each person unique and with their very own personality and their own heart and their own soul. If that isn't cool then I don't know what is. This past month I have seen people find joy in the midst of sorrow. I have seen people persevere when things seemed impossible. And I have seen people conquer the demons that they didn't think were conquerable.

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I was driving to school one Monday morning and the sun hadn't quite risen yet, but I could tell that it was just about ready to come over the horizon. Right before it came into view, the sky was a clear, cold, pure blue, with just a few whispy clouds scattered around. Then the sun came up over the horizon and it was like all of a sudden everything was bathed in a warm golden light, and the sky was filled with light, and the underside of the clouds turned a brilliant orange, which contrasted radiantly with the still-blue sky behind it. It's during moments like that when I think, "There is no way that evolution is possible because a) there's no way sunrises could have evolved to be this pretty, and b) there is no way that we, as humans, should have evolved so as to be able to stand in awe of such beauty and even begin to appreciate it".

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I do believe that feeling like you've been a disappointment to someone is possibly the worst feeling in the world.

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Sometimes when people compliment me, or say I'm a nice person, or "wow you're perfect", I just say "thanks!" when what I really want to say is "Yeah, sometimes I nice. And sometimes I can also be mean and unthoughtful and there are times when I regret doing/saying things. I'm not a perfect person, and I'm far from it. On the inside I'm a completely broken person. I sin just as much as everyone else... I can just be really good at hiding it sometimes. I need Jesus just as much as everyone else." Don't get me wrong - I do try really hard to be nice and love everyone, but I definitely don't do it absolutely all of the time.

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Everything about this quote: “If you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you." --C.S. Lewis

^Go read through that quote again. And again. And again. Wow. I mean we've all heard that before... but Lewis puts it so perfectly. 

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I miss cool summer nights when I could just go outside and look up at the stars and marvel at how close they seemed even when, in reality, they are unfathomably far away. 

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I am constantly torn between the desire to stay here in Nebraska, which has been my home my whole entire life... and go out into the world and go everywhere. Visit every continent, learn about the history in each place, climb more mountains, meet new people, and try new things. I can't decide if I want to stay or if I want to go... it's not that I don't like adventures, but I'm afraid to leave for too long because I always fear that people will forget me or that everything will change while I'm gone. Plus there are plenty of adventures just around here.

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This: 




 "Outside of the will of God, there is nothing I want. And in the will of God, there is nothing I fear." -A.W. Tozer
 
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Sunday, January 12, 2014

just a quote

"I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest and most precious thing in all thinking." - George Macdonald