= this is a rant =

As the title already warned you, this is a rant. If you don't like those, you don't have to read it. Bye. 

Now that the only people left are people who like to read rants... let's get started. This is something that's been on my mind the past couple months. It's not my goal to be super critical or preachy, and if it comes across like that... sorry. But this is how I feel.

I remember back in the day when if I heard a bad word, it was either in a movie I was watching or from some person who didn't know any better. More recently however, I've started hearing people cuss more and more... and it's not because I am suddenly hanging out with a bad crowd. I'm hearing a lot of bad language coming from homeschoolers. Christian homeschoolers. That's not cool.

Before I keep going, I want to point out two things: 

1) I understand that there are certain situations where swearing or whatever may be appropriate. For example: if something really terrible happens to you or if you're a soldier in war or something. But if someone is being a bad driver, or if your day isn't going 100% how you planned, that is not an acceptable reason to start throwing out f-bombs. 

2) Don't get me wrong here... I'm not saying that if you swear regularly I think you're a terrible person and I won't ever talk to you again. That's not what I think. And also understand that I also don't always have the best choice of vocabulary, but I use bad words rarely and if I do use them, it's in private... like, to myself. Not to other people. 

Ok, now let's keep going. 

From my experience, and what I've seen in the past couple years, or even in the past months, it seems that most people take on the mindset of "if you swear, you're mature and cool". Let me get something straight here... swearing = immature. When I hear people cuss other people out, what DOESN'T pop into my mind is "oh wow, they're so mature and cool". Honestly, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Wow, they don't have enough class to know what's appropriate to say".

That leads me to my second point... swearing is not classy or respectable. It's just not. Get that in your head and let it stay there forever. If you want to have the respect of people, then it's not necessary to start swearing for no good reason at all. 

It seems to me that another reason for people choosing to swear is because their parents don't want it and kids these days just like to be rebellious. Several times now, I've heard someone say a bad word, quickly followed up by "oh, don't tell my parents I said that." This is never said in a sorry way, like "oh no, I shouldn't have said that...", it's always more of a "I don't care about what I just said, just don't let my parents know." Whatever happened to having a bit of respect for what parents wanted?

One of the times when swearing disappoints me the most is in speech & debate. Now you would think that Christian homeschoolers who are in a Christian homeschooled league with a focus on communicating in a way that glorifies God would have learned by now how to communicate in such a way so as to get their point across in a loving manner. But apparently not. Now I know that debate rounds can be frustrating... I've been annoyed multiple times, but several times this year, I've had different people come up to me after their round and say something along the lines of, "Wow, that round was so bad... I just wanted to kill the other team. I got so mad during their last speech that I had to write f-bombs all over my flow pad." Um... really? You had to do that? I'm not impressed. At all. In fact, I find it embarrassing that that is what happens in a Christian, homeschooled debate league. That is not an acceptable reason to swear, no matter what you think, so get your act together. That seems to defeat the whole purpose of being in a speech & debate league, if the only thing you can think to do when you don't agree with someone is start cussing them out. Yeah, people make us mad... that's still not a reason to cuss them out, sorry. It's only a debate round, people.

Outside of speech & debate, I've heard this example a couple times too, "So I was with my friend, and we were walking, but there was this bad driver... so we gave him the middle finger and cussed him out." C'mon guys... really? I'm sure what the driver thought was "Wow, what nice Christian kids".... not. What if the driver was just having a really bad day? I'm sure you didn't make it any better. Maybe I'm the only one who does this... yeah, I probably am... but I always make it a point to smile at drivers like that... yes, they annoy me too sometimes, but who knows? Maybe they just need someone to be a little encouraging.

And finally...

>>>>if you read nothing else in this post, read this part<<<<

I'm pretty sure that God doesn't look down on his people when they throw out f-bombs and say, "Wow, them saying that is so honoring to me." Nooope. I'm pretty sure that God did not give you a mouth just so that you could cuss other people out. 

I'm just gonna throw a couple verses out here:

Ephesians 4:29, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."  

Proverbs 15:2,4 "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly... A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."

Ephesians 5:4, "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving." 

I think you get the point. (btw, if you want more verses.... I have more, haha).   

Anyways. Guys... when you swear for no good reason, that is not honoring to God. As I mentioned before, there may be some instances where swearing is acceptable.... like if you're a soldier in a battle. That's different because the soldier is fighting against extreme evil. But we're not soldiers, we're all homeschooled Christian high school students, and the other debate team in a debate round is not an extreme evil, no matter what you may think. The driver on the street is not extremely evil. You don't have a good reason to cuss them out, you just don't.   

And now I'm going to pull out a C.S. Lewis quote... "Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." Let me just say... especially when you swear in public, or around other people... people will not see God in you. I think that the words that we choose to say and write should be chosen in such a way so that other people can see God in us, and God is honored, especially if we're wanting and trying to live our lives as Christians. If we want other people to see God in us, then choosing the right words to say is important. Just a thought.   

Ok, I'm done now. Rant = over. Again, I love you all to pieces, and I promise I don't hate any of you... and maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this, it's just something that kinda bothers me. :)

The End.

5.17.2014

I think sometimes that when God closes doors, He doesn't want us to just stand there and wait for a new one to be opened... I think sometimes God wants us to kick that door down to show Him how much we actually care about and want what is on the other side.

llévame de vuelta // take me back

All I can think about since getting back from Mexico is... Mexico.  In my head I am always seeing those precious little faces smiling up at me, and those kids speaking rapid Spanish to me, and then their eyes lighting up when I understand them. I miss playing with my friend Cesia in the hot Mexican dirt (we were pretending to cook things). I miss blowing bubbles with Jessica and Brenda. I miss Briyan's sassy attitude coupled with his sincerity. I miss Erika's hugs and hearing her say "te quiero". I miss racing while giving piggy back rides and then hearing the kids say "¡Otra vez, otra vez!" each time I set them down again. I miss the hot Mexican sun, and the wind, and the palm trees. I miss those few days when I spoke in Spanish more than I spoke in English.

I fell in love down in Mexico. I fell in love with the country itself, despite it's multitude of problems. I fell in love with the Mexican people and their beautiful selves and their passion in everything that they do. I fell in love with their language, and I fell in love with their loud church services, with all the clapping and dancing. I miss being able to buy Mexican pop whenever I wanted to (which is 1,000 times better than any pop America has to offer). I love each and every one of those little kids that I talked to and hugged. And while I was down there, I also fell in love with... love. God's love. I fell in love with His love and its ability to bring so much joy to people who have so little. It was very powerful to witness that during the week I was there... The Mexican people may not have much, but Jesus is everything to them, and they are passionate about it. I felt more alive down in Mexico than I have in a long time. The laughter and love of the kids that I worked with lit within me a fire-- a burning fire of love and thankfulness. 

America is my country, and Nebraska is my home-- it always will be. But I left a piece of my heart down in Mexicali, and it's staying there forever.

A page from my notebook of thoughts

I was up late last night doing some thinking about, you know, life and everything, and I wrote the following in my journal (I thought it was interesting/creative, so I figured that I might let y'all enjoy a piece of my thoughts):


"I am an open book. I am a book waiting to be read, but I'm also a book that's been closed so many times in the past, and has sometimes stayed closed for so long that some of the pages are stuck together. Some of my pages have been ripped out and replaced with a nicer version of what actually happened, because I don't want people to read the true story of what happened, and because I want to replace a bad memory with a false memory of what sort of happened. Some pages have been ripped out altogether and have been crumpled and burned, because no one cares what's on those pages... Either that or I just don't want people to know, so I have instead chosen to forget what they said altogether. In the margins of the pages, there are little quotes and drawings that have been hastily scribbled there, almost as an after-thought of the actual words on the page. The words on my pages are sometimes eloquent and well-put, and sometimes they are incomplete and incoherent, waiting for someone to smooth them out or try to understand them. There are some punctuation and grammar errors  that demonstrate my imperfections and my unwillingness to ever try to be a perfectionist. The binding is beginning to tear and show signs of use, from all the pages that have been turned and all the new chapters that have been started. At the back, there is a section of blank pages that are waiting to be written on with details of my new adventures and lessons that I will learn. So yes, I am an open book, but I am an incomplete book. What you'll find in my pages may surprise you, horrify you, or maybe it will speak to you in some way that only books can. I'm not a book that you can go to Barnes & Noble and buy. I'm one of those books that you can find at the used bookstore sitting in a corner by the window in the sunlight, just waiting to be picked up by someone who is willing to learn about me and discover the secrets and stories that hide on each page. And those are the very best kind if books, the ones that are worn out and a little bit used, and don't look all that amazing on the outside... but once someone has the courage to open the book, it's discovered that a genuine story of life lies between the front and back cover."

I am fierce.

This describes me absolutely perfectly: 

That is me. Small but fierce. 

I am little, but I still:

-Have a huge heart that wants to love people and everything good around me

-Have a mind full of world-changing, blossoming ideas 

-Have a voice. And heck yes I will/do use it

-Can be incredibly stubborn about everything

-Will brave any storm

-Encourage those around me

-Stand strong in my faith

-Stand up for what I believe, and what is right

-Help the helpless

-Give hope to the hopeless

-Live life to the fullest

-Love people and the world like I'm gonna die tomorrow

-Take the optimistic view of life

-Take every opportunity

-Want to change the world

-Will fight any enemy

-Will take on the world.

I may be small, but I am fierce. 

// 5 line poem //

You touched my heart

the way that no one had before.

And when you touched my soul,

I knew that I never, ever

wanted to let you go.

-a.v.g. 

piano & faith

I was playing the piano the other day, and just for fun I decided to get out some of my old piano pieces that I hadn't played in a while. I knew that I would not be able to play them with as much skill as I had when I first learned them, but I was not expecting to be as bad at them as I was. As my fingers stumbled over the keys and worked to remember the notes that they once played so easily, my mind wandered a bit (as it usually does), and I began thinking about how our faith is similar to playing the piano. Our faith is something that should be continuously growing and becoming stronger. Faith isn't something you can "take a break from". Faith is constant, faith should never falter. We can't just put God on the shelf for a while and then come back to him later and expect to pick up where we left off. With piano pieces, you can't put them on a shelf, pull them off a couple months later and expect to just pick it up where you left off. No, you have to re-learn the things that you already learned in the past. I think it's like that with our Christian faith, too. If you put God on the shelf for a while, you're going to backslide and that means that later, when you come back, you're going to have to re-climb the steps that you already took in your faith, you're going to have re-learn what you had already learned. Leaving God on the shelf for a while does you no good. In fact, it does you harm, because instead of being able to progressive in your Christian walk, you have to re-walk the steps that you already took earlier.